Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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