he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
