I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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