This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
