Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
