I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
