is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize