I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
pop tarts are not kleenex
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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