I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
