Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
