a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
