Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
