don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
