I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
