question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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