When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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