I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
