before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
