for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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