so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
