All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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