I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
