Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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