so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
