I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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