great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.