I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
what is it with giant penises always finding me
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?