Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize