I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
