I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....