His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
