We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
