So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
