i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
