so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
