And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize