i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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