I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
