Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
