wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she peed on how many people?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
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You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
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I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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