I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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