hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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