I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
