I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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