no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
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You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
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This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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