So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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