he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
