if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
