And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
