I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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