imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
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I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
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I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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