I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She told me I should be a condom model.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I party with great urgency now.
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