I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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