Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
