Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
MIDGETS
????
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
