This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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