I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
