Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
