hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Randomize
