i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We are all done wearing pants today
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
