You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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