My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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