i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I need a beard to bite.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
